Color

Color

Red, yellow, green, blue - brightens,
shimmers, glows,
and dims and fades into
just color

no longer wisdom, no longer insight
just purity and shades of en-light-en-ment


just glimpses of what
lies between
the cracks of eternity

just flashes of what
lies beyond
the narrow confines of the mind

all around
and deep inside
bright and fading
blinding and contrast
everything and nothing


just color

Copyright: Michelle L. Marcicki (Dolphin)
Written: March 13, 1996


[UPDATE: February 27, 2010.. actually February 25, 2010..
I found the soundtrack for this poem.. should be linked in now, but blip.fm link below too!

~ Zebra and Snake - (MISF*TS remix) http://blip.fm/~ltwcg

NOTE: There are like 7 mix/remix version (that I know of) of this song.. listen to them all. Some of them are so different you wonder if they are same song.. Most of them kick ass.]

I Promise Myself

~ The Optimist's Creed ~
~ From The Secret ~

I Promise Myself...

To be so strong that nothing can disturb my peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person I meet.
To make all my friends feel that there is something worthwhile in them.
To look at the sunny side of everything and make my optimism come true.
To think only of the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as I am about my own.
To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful expression at all times and give a smile to every living creature I meet.
To give so much time to improving myself that I have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.
To think well of myself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud words, but in great deeds.
To live in the faith that the whole world is on my side, so long as I am true to the best that is in me.

Christian D. Larson
(modified by The Secret)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had originally planned to publish this post on Saturday (January 15th), but I ended up working on about 3-4 other blog drafts instead (I have about 25+ drafts at the moment :). It is easy to get too deeply mired into research for those other topics due to their complexity and requirements for integrity and consistency. However, it seemed better today.. or rather better late than never.. to just keep working on this post and "commentary", and get it up when I could.

I also noticed that with a retrograde season of craziness starting and stopping.. (Mercury was retrograde until January 15th), there is most certainly no one ending... or beginning.. and that understanding a "state of promise" takes time and patience and faith, and sometimes even a little bit of the mystic.

Actually, since I often find myself deeply influenced by the moon, and the sign it is in, it seems that more than a little mysticism is at play here. The moon was still in Aquarius up until Saturday night, and there is just something about Air signs that don't work for me. However, I noticed without knowing it at the time... that as soon as the moon had changed on Saturday (into Pisces), things shifted dramatically for me. By Sunday, I was thinking about this post again and the need to work on it and get it done was building up with the next transition into Aries on Wednesday.

See Universal Lunar Calendar for the details.
[ASIDE:
I looked at the calendar just after the "initial" blockage on working on this particular post (on January 19, 2010) so I'm intrigued by my responses and energy without having known it was in an air sign "phase".
And I haven't yet touched on the phase the moon it is in fact in... which brings into play a whole other set of dynamics.
END]

Then with the moon shifting into what I like to call the "little sparking campFire" (Aries) on Wednesday (into Thursday), I found myself immensely inspired.. driven to be working on other writings, posts and drafts as well. The fire of creativity.. beginning, unleashing.

THE ELEMENTS/ELEMENTALS:
(in case you're not familiar with them, which is different than “familiar”)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Four Elements of Magic and Nature:
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/161929/the_four_elements_of_magic_and_nature.html?cat=34

Classical Elements:
(NOTE ones in Greece)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Classical_element

Elements in Fiction:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elements_in_fiction

Classical Elements in Popular Culture:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Classical_elements_in_popular_culture
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In further reflection, perhaps what I needed was more time to be sure this depth of insight is what I wanted to share, to dump out there for the "world" to see, and to expose that part, that vulnerability of myself along with my interpretations of this "statement of belief" and the concepts it encompasses for me.

And then I had an interesting example this past Sunday night (Jan 17, 2010) that impacted deeply for me in some of the statements above from the "I Promise Myself..." creed, and on finding compassion.

Compassion for myself.
Compassion for others.

Yet, it took until Tuesday, and then again today, Thursday, for me to recognize those lessons fully, and explore and to do the additional research to go along with everything I wanted to reveal here. And I know that I will update this section here with regards to compassion.. with the next moon shift, as there is something yet under the surface, that I haven't yet been able to flesh out and to bring to the light.

[ASIDE:
I do tend to be a bit excessive (read obsessive ;) about my links, research, etc.. so it perhaps takes me a bit longer to post & share something, but the perfectionist in me is not sure it can be done any other way ;)
END]

QUOTES of RELEVANCE:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Peace is not just the absence of violence but the manifestation of human compassion.
-- Dalai Lama.

The only sin we never forgive each other is difference of opinion.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Be kind, remember everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.
-- T. H. Thompson.

Everyone needs to be loved... especially when they do not deserve it.
-- Unknown.

Kids need love the most when they're acting most unlovable.
-- Erma Bombeck.
(And adults acting like kids when their "triggers" are hit..)

If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.
-- Dalai Lama.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So.. framed by thoughts from the Dalai Lama, and quotes that remind me of the path that must be walked.. I thought.. what better time than now to embark upon a new phase, a new journey... one of empowerment, of achievement, of improvement, of beauty, of truth, of imagination, of commitment, and of promise.

I Promise Myself... many things.
And among them,
that this year WILL be different.
I feel the shift.
I feel the change.
I will take a different path to BEing.
I Promise Myself...
I Promise Myself... many things.

REFERENCE/BACKGROUND on Retrograde:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FROM Astrology on the Web:

"Mercury turns direct at on the day of the Capricorn New Moon on January 15th, which is itself conjunct the planet Venus, a benefic planet. This should be quite a good day all round, with some surprising benefits, especially for those who wish to make a new start. Merc stations on the fortunate Fixed Star, Kaus Borealis, which has the reputation of promoting of idealism and humanity, being endowed with bright ideas, enterprise and a sense of justice.

All areas of communication are affected by this phase, especially in matters related to teaching, healing, professional advice, workplace relationships (especially those with employees and subordinates), the military, and communications connected with such matters. Small animals may be important amidst the confusion. This period brings travel snafus, mail mishaps and missed appointments of all kinds. Documents can go astray. Be sure to carry a diary and refer to it often."

Moments Before the Dawn

This is not a poem. Moments Before the Dawn i love the stillness of dawn of that time those moments before dawn where the world is paused, holding its collective breath wondering what the reasons are waiting for truth for the purity of it all the hope of fulfillment, the promise of what is possible with the new day even hidden by rain its reassurance is there transforming in its beauty enhanced with (perhaps?) the clarity of rain washing away all that we don't need that we hold onto that is unfulfilled or hurt or hidden it somehow finds a way to creep out between the cracks in those moments before the dawn Date unknown (approximately November 8th-ish, 2009) This is not a poem. Not really. It was more of journal entry that seemed to have an interesting timing to it and when written out all pretty and funky.. kind of looks like a poem. That is all.

"What A Good Boy"

It happens every now & then that I MUST post song lyrics...

Sigh. If it really must come out.. it is the full truth as to WHY I got a blog in the first place. I was on Twitter (@jazzdolphin on there) one day.. and I posted a song on Blip.fm (jazzdolphin on there, no @ thingy symbol needed) and I had an overwhelming urge to share the lyrics for a song. I can't recall which one at this very moment, as it has happened a number of times since. Let me tell you.. 140 char just doesn't go very far when you have the very immediate need to type a whole bunch of song lyrics out.

Actually, it isn't really why I got a blog, but it seems to be a good use for it when I have the strange and rather extreme urge to post song lyrics and no other place to go in the wee hours of the morning.
If you get that I could almost reference a Meatloaf song right there.. you may have a hope in hell of following my train of thought (and finding a caboose) in the midst of the madness I'm attempting to reign in here...

So, back to the topic at hand. Music, song lyrics, obsession... perhaps could fit into there somewhere... (and possibly sarcasm... ;)

I do random things like that.. sometimes... often... I kinda *heart* music.. it just takes over my brain & I must listen, or post, or download, or search the net for hours (and hours) reading about new bands and old...often at 2-3am in the morning. Like now.

I actually tend to do this most often on Sunday's... (the music searching & listening, etc)...

I "blame" (kidding..) George Stroumboulopoulos a wee bit (@strombo in Twitter-land).. and his Strombo Show on Sunday nights 8pm-midnight on CBC Radio 2 (http://www.cbc.ca/radio2 AND more specifically http://www.cbc.ca/radio2/programs/strombo oh AND.. http://www.strombo.com/ - which is apparently being "re-done".)
We all wait with baited breath as to what this will look like. As a former web developer.. all I can say is FINALLY.. it so needs it..
I mean.. Yah... Georgie! };> or {;/

But tonight after my usual weeknight before bed menu of The Hour, Ghost Whisperer, and some email, I found myself needing to hear a song that I'm pretty sure I only have on tape somewhere, and recalling the first time I think I heard it.

So the crazy song that started this foolishness (or possible insanity) off is "What A Good Boy" by the Barenaked Ladies. However, when a song takes you on trip, be it down a memory lane filled with forgotten neural pathways, or to a place in your heart... you have follow it through. I am finding it hard to believe that song came out in 1992. I'm having an even harder time believing that I was ~19 at the time. Hmm... Totally dated myself there. Shudder.
You do the math.

I had moved back to Calgary (after my parents had moved to Red Deer) to go to university and I had my first real apartment in a great area in downtown Calgary on 15th Ave & 1st Street. I even remember the exact address and everything... Wow. Details. And being in university and living spitting distance from places like The Republic (and The Night Gallery, etc) where live bands stopped by quite often, it was easy to build such awesome, robust and divine musical memories.

Some of my best memories and moments in music go back to that apartment and those years. More than I can get into in this "article", however I am working on an indie music/blog/series (perhaps a trilogy in 5 parts..) that will hopefully make more sense, but also trip down that memory lane in some fairly extensive detail.

Ohhh.. and only to add few more tangents to the mix here (think of it like a when an awesome DJ layers ~7 songs in & you just have to treasure it while dancing your ass off at ~5am, it may make more sense then)... while popping over to CBC's website to copy & paste those links to Radio 2, et all to make sure they were correct.. I just discovered that while I can never listen to Radio 2 Morning
(@CBCR2Morning) with Bob Mackowycz in regular time.. I can listen at 3am PST.. but on AST. Woot.

Oh yes... The Facebook Group for Citizens Against Hump-Day.
I like it Bob!

And to be even more random... Rich Terfry was just on Bob's show.. and the previous song I felt the most imminent need to post song lyrics for on Twitter was "Convoy" by "C. W. McCall" (http://blip.fm/jazzdolphin to play it along with a few other gems.)

WARNING: Before visiting the above link I should warn you.. I have rather.. ummm... "eclectic" musical taste. (It's a good thing. Honest!)

And.. just in case I've completely lost you here, I'll try and make some sense and bring this all around to some point or closure...
Rich Terfry (@CBCR2Drive)/@bucksixtyfive) was on The Strombo Show back on Dec 20, 2009 (possibly the BEST Strombo Show EVER... hint, Hint, HINT on the whole playlist/podcast thing.. please..) and those boys.. George & Rich... those nasty musical teases talked about Convoy, but DIDN'T freaking play it. So I had to go find the song on Blip and play it about 10x to fulfill my musical fix and re-live some long ago moments when I was very young, lived on a ranch and ran amok. I will however, save any details of that for another day, time & random moment in the early hours of the morning.

And while I'm not posting those particular song lyrics (Convoy), I have since gotten that out of my system.. here are the song lyrics that started this whole crazy assortment of thoughts, memories and general chaos at ~3am.

And if this made ANY sense.. at all.. let me know.
And if it didn't.. let me know.

"What A Good Boy"
by the Barenaked Ladies

When I was born, they looked at me and said
what a good boy, what a smart boy, what a strong boy.
And when you were born, they looked at you and said,
what a good girl, what a smart girl, what a pretty girl.

We've got these chains that hang around our necks,
people want to strangle us with them before we take our first breath.
Afraid of change, afraid of staying the same,
when temptation calls, we just look away.

[Chorus]
This name is the hairshirt I wear,
and this hairshirt is woven from your brown hair.
This song is the cross that I bear,
bear it with me, bear with me, bear with me,
be with me tonight,
I know that it isn't right, but be with me tonight.

I go to school, I write exams,
if I pass, if I fail, if I drop out,
does anyone give a damn?
And if they do, they'll soon forget 'cause it won't take much for me
to show my life ain't over yet.
I wake up scared, I wake up strange.
I wake up wondering if anything in my life is ever going to change.
I wake up scared, I wake up strange
and everything around me stays the same.

[Chorus]

I couldn't tell you that I was wrong,
chickened out, grabbed a pen and paper, sat down and I wrote this song.
I couldn't tell you that you were right,
so instead I looked in the mirror,
watched TV, laid awake all night.

We've got these chains, hang 'round our necks,
people want to strangle us with them before we take our first breath.
Afraid of change, afraid of staying the same when temptation calls ...

[Chorus]

When I was born, they looked at me and said;
What a good boy, what a smart boy, what a strong boy.
And when you were born, they looked at you and said;
what a good girl, what a smart girl, what a pretty girl, hey

Song Lyrics: "What A Good Boy" Barenaked Ladies

(The rest of the nonsense is mine.)

Chaos, panic, and disorder... my work here is done.
~Unknown Author

Blissful Sunday

Ok.. so I'm not really having much of a Blissful Sunday today, but it seemed weird to not post this poem on a Sunday, and there is always the chance of being reminded of some more wonderful and sexier times ;>

Hard to believe I wrote this ~13 years ago though... I did decide via doing this whole blogging thing now, that I needed to start writing poetry again like I "used to do". However, in looking back at many of these poems (and I have lots & lots more to share from the vault), I have wondered if the inspiration is gone, or if I have changed so much that that kind of soft and connected meaning is not present in my life in the same way.

Or perhaps it's more a case of idealism. I am not as idealistic (or you could say as naive) as I used to be.. with age comes wisdom.. and/or cynicism. Lol.

Either way.. I'm still a "hopeful" romantic (somewhere deep down there inside) and perhaps one day I will find someone who will make this poem seem real again.. or I'll be inspired to write an even better one.

Blissful Sunday

The sounds of water draws me in
splashing all over your body
against the porcelain wall
skin slides against skin
luscious, seductive, searching,
complete.

Burning gentle touch
that reaches deep within
and caresses tenderly the
being that we are
The ache that ebbs away
with every moment, motion, thought
laughed, shared, dreamt,
dared.

Wrapping around, entwined
in softness, in sensation
in fascination and ecstasy
Changing, learning, reaching
grasping to hold on
on to me, on to you
onto a realm that
tickles at the back of my
mind.

Waking to find it still there
real, substantial.
As your hand on my
thigh and
the pulse at your throat
that entrances
- enhances the need to
touch
the desire to crawl
as close as we can inside.
And waking to find that
it’s Sunday.

~ Written: Summer 1996-ish (exact date unknown)
~ Copyright: Michelle L. Marcicki; 1996-2010

Craving Pickled Ginger...

Completely insane. Totally random blog posting. I'm craving pickled ginger. I have been for a few days. NO, I'm NOT pregnant. No chance of that.. but I deeply disappointed that in this day and age of Goggle.. at the altar of which I have had moments of extreme worship... I am unable to find any reasonable or rational explanation or even information in hopes of understanding for this craving of mine. Possibly that my blood pressure is low-ish & I'm craving something salty and balancing to bring it up. That's about it. The rest of the things that ginger is known for "curing" don't really apply. So I'm just going to ignore it and generally given in the craving.. seeing as when faced with a choice between chocolate and pickled ginger, I'm picking pickled ginger. Very odd. And rather unlike me considering how much I love chocolate. So, in interests of cravings and general insanity, I'm rolling with it. But, any insight is most certainly appreciated. However, I also went & got sushi 2x last week, just to get ginger. Possibly also because of the very tasty yams & avocado, but mostly for the pickled ginger. It is totally & completely nuts?! If a sushi place was open, I'd be there right now. I actually succumbed in a rather huge way to this craving and went and bought a rather large container of just pickled ginger yesterday.. or was it the day before. I was deeply concerned to find out it contains Aspartame. Icky. Damn. But you know, I didn't really care, as all I wanted to do was eat it by the handfuls.. I actually managed to eat most of it in one day.. 340 grams to be exact... And now.. I'm craving more. Sadly it is ~4am and the Safeway closed at midnight. I have no ginger. But I'm watching The English Patient in hopes of being distracted, and some of my favorite quotes are from this movie.. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Almásy: This... this, the hollow at the base of a woman's throat, does it have an official name? Madox: Good God, man, pull yourself together. And even better.. the answer... Madox: Just in case you're interested, it’s called the suprasternal notch. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I'm trying to decide if I'm totally insane, or just pretty much as crazy as everybody else in my own unique way. Dammit when does the store open.. more pickled ginger needed here. Stat.

The Art of Being... (Who i am)

It seems for the moment that until I develop & write a few more of the actual articles I am working on (which takes a bit of time..) I will be sharing things I have already written and a great number of those things fall into the domain of poetry...

Since sharing poetry is very, very personal at times, well.. most of the time... it is an even bigger leap for me than even doing a blog in the first place. But here it goes again..

There is a saying "Cogito, ergo sum" ~ "I think, therefore I am" ~, this is more a case of..."I write therefore I am"... Poetry offers tiny glimpses into who I am, who I want be, the parts of me I have left behind & the pieces I hope to find and integrate along the way..

Who i am

i dance and envelope my body
in sound
in ecstasy, in beauty
so true.

i move and let grace flow
from me like fluid
such ecstasy, such beauty
so pure.

i speak a lilting thought
framed in silhouette
with ecstasy, with beauty
so unlimited.

i think and spirit ebbs
all around
it’s ecstasy, it’s beauty
so me.

Copyright: Michelle L. Marcicki (Dolphin)
Written: March 13, 1996

Off the deep end...

Whew..

I am taking the plunge and "getting" a blog...

Wow... after only ~10-12+ years of mulling the idea around, having written poetry and other things for many, many more years than that (than I care to actually admit, as that would date me.. a lot). Watching friends get Live Journal sites, etc, and seeing blogging become the "thing" in the new world of IT and communication, especially in the last few years. It is now here to stay and in fact is the means of expression that is driving new media, new ideas, and creativity. Some of it is total crap, and some of it is beyond amazing. I hope I can find a way to fall into the latter realm, and share something of myself, of relevance, and of beauty to this world.

I have to admit, I am still a bit hesitant. I'm a very open person, but also incredibly private. To share my thoughts in a blog... it's a big step. But I think it's finally time. I got on Twitter with much trepidation about 1 year ago (along with other Social Media sites before that) and found it wasn't as bad I as thought and have even come to enjoy certain aspects of it. And I found myself wanting to say more than 140 char would permit.

So to start things off, I thought long and hard about what to say... beyond why would I do this crazy, yet necessary, yet now mundane and common thing like start a blog...

And so I share a poem I wrote December 28, 1990 (holy crap.. was that really 20 years ago?!), that explains why I write, what drives me to be here and is a taste of what I hope I can share..

To What Do I Owe This
(Gateway to Inside of Me)

The joy of existence,
of fulfillment, of tragedy,
is expressed by what I unwillingly
share with paper slate and pen.
From a realm of unknown spews
untamed emotion and thought,
from the very depths of being.
Uncriticized by unconscious thought and
uncontrolled by what is real,
these relentless visions are a gateway
to inside of me.

Copyright: Michelle L. Marcicki (Dolphin)
Written: December 28, 1990